Recently, I had a conversation with a colleague about his children. He mentioned that he was considering sending his eldest son to an arts school in the US. We were talking generally about the cost of sending the son overseas, the type of education he would receive and the various alternative options available.

At one point in the conversation, I remarked, “So, you know what sending your son for overseas studies would mean, don’t you?” “What do you mean?”, he answered.

“Well, there is a chance that he might not return to Singapore. He would probably want to take up a job there, maybe get married and settle down there. It’d be like losing a son.”

My colleague then started to share about an insight he had through a movie. The movie was about a poor Indian father who struggled to finance his daughter’s dowry. After a long period of labour, he finally saved up enough to marry her. During the wedding of the daughter, the loving father came up to the daughter. With tears in his eyes, he thanked the daughter for the privilege of being in his care through the years. It was a touching moment which impacted my colleague deeply about his view of children.

My colleague mentioned that he was reminded that his children are not his forever, and he only gets to care for his children for only a short time. He can do his best during the years they are with him, but will have to release them to live out their own lives.

I reflected on my colleague’s comment and was reminded of what the Bible tells us about children. Psalm 127: 3-5 says,

³ Sons are a heritage from the LORD,
children a reward from him.

⁴ Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
are sons born in one’s youth.

⁵ Blessed is the man
whose quiver is full of them.
They will not be put to shame
when they contend with their enemies in the gate.

Indeed, children are a reward and blessing from the Lord. Those of us who are given the gift to be parents, uncles, aunties or grandparents are granted a special privilege to be able to care and impact the young lives of the children entrusted to us. We must do our best in the loving and caring of our children, teaching them to walk in the way of the Lord and transmitting our faith through the way we live our lives.

The time that our children spend with us is short. We should never take this time for granted. The early years are the most crucial years to spend with our children. There is a great temptation to think that since the children are young, we can spend a little more time at the office or away from home. Then there are those times when we are physically present, but emotionally and spiritually absent. Those are the times when we are at home, but opt to work on the computer or watch television. Our children will begin to learn to cope without us, or not disturb us because we have “important things” to do.

We should avoid these temptations. Instead, the Bible tells us that we must conscientiously and continuously teach our children to love the Lord:

…faithfully obey the commands I am giving you today-to love the LORD your God and to serve him with all your heart and with all your soul… Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates, so that your days and the days of your children may be many in the land that the LORD swore to give your forefathers, as many as the days that the heavens are above the earth. (Deuteronomy 11: 13, 18-21)

When children get to the upper primaries, secondary school and beyond, like it or not, our influence on our children’s lives will be weakened by the demands and pressures from school, peers and media. It is still possible to influence them, but the efforts will be greater and the methods more delicate.

So, do you know your child well enough? Here are some questions you might want to use to find out more about your child: (Taken from www.childwelfare.gov)

Ø Who is your child’s all-time hero?

Ø What is your child’s most prized possession?

Ø Who is his or her best friend?

Ø What causes your child to lose sleep?

Ø What were your child’s greatest achievements and disappointments in the last year?

Ø What is your child’s favourite meal?

Ø What would your child like to do when he or she grows up?

Ø If your child had $20 to spend, what would he or she buy?

Ø What does your child most like to do with you?

Ø What is the most important thing you need to discuss with your child in the next 6 months?

Remember that you will not have your children with you all the time. Therefore, take time to unwrap and love the gift of children that the Lord has given you, and consider how to influence them to love the Lord more.

When the time comes, your children will be like the arrows in the quiver in Psalm 127. For the arrows to be useful, you will have to put the arrows to the bow and release them to make their mark for the Lord.

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