In this “God at Work” series, Lee Ci Han shares about how
God did not give up on her even though she had given up on Him.
Since then, she began her spiritual growth in the
Discipleship Class and was later baptised and married in 2016.
I started going to church when I was 4, but stopped going for a while after I was 16. When I went to university in Melbourne, my 4 other housemates were Christians, so I started attending church again with them. However, I thought there was still some doubt and cynicism in me. I always wanted to be in control, to have control over outcomes and situations. I wanted to be the steward of my own life, so I couldn’t understand why I had to let God do that. I had a lot of questions, but my friends and mother, and later on Ryan (now husband), were always there to answer them and encourage me. I started reading the Bible on my own, and gradually I began to find peace. Somehow this time it just felt different – I felt moved. This time round, the Bible passages were not just memory verses to memorise for next week’s Sunday School, they were not just passages that I read to try and find questions or loopholes. This time round, I saw it for what it is – God’s Word, God speaking to me. And what comforting, moving and humbling words they are. I realised that I was dead in sin, and how much I needed God. How humbling yet empowering it is, the fact that God sent His only Son to die for my sins. To try and do things according to my own strength and will was unsustainable. Our life is given by God, and it is in His hands.
After accepting Christ, I’ve become more contented. I’m quite a competitive person – I hate to lose. When I was young, I threw many tantrums when I lost while playing with my cousins, so much so that after a while only my mum was willing to play games with me. This competitive streak also meant that I kept comparing myself to others, wanting to make sure I was the best. But coming to know Christ has opened my eyes to the blessings He has showered upon me. I’m learning to be thankful for the things I have, rather than lament those that I don’t have. It’s not that I started having less setbacks after becoming a Christian, but I feel more at peace knowing that even though I may not understand all the things that God has planned, it’s comforting to know that I’m not alone, that God is always near.
After I accepted Christ as my personal Saviour, I started coming to PSPC regularly with Ryan. I completed the Discipleship Class, Membership Class and was baptised on Easter Sunday in 2016.
Before I started the Discipleship Class, I was a bit anxious about it. I was worried that my answers to the Bible study questions would be all wrong, or that it would be awkward sharing in a group of people I don’t really know well. It turned out nothing like that. The small group setting created a comfortable environment for everyone to share, not only about the week’s Bible study questions, but also about our own Christian journey – its struggles and blessings. I learnt more about my group members, and learnt from them as well. Our group leader Seh Wei always pushed us to think one step further. For example, he would lay out a statement, and push us to challenge him. I appreciated that because it is when I derived at an answer myself, whatever that answer may be – whether it was an inference, a realisation or an application point, it held more meaning and was something that I would remember. The Discipleship Class also taught me about Inductive Bible Study. I learnt that doing quiet time was not just reading the verse of the day on my iPhone Bible app and waiting for some divine revelation. Now when I do my own quiet time, I make the effort to go through the steps of observation, interpretation and application, and it has been much more fruitful and meaningful. The content of the lessons taught me what it takes to be a disciple of Christ. It helped me see some aspects of myself that have changed for the better, and also helped me discover the many more parts of myself that still need improvement. Hence, this also made it a very good lead up to Membership Class. Another thing that I took away from the Discipleship Class is the importance of a cell group. I realised that it is important to have a group of godly friends who can keep you accountable and grounded in Christ, especially in a society where the temptations of materialism are real and it’s easy to be swept away in the chase.
I’m very grateful that God did not give up on me all these years. Not only did He not forsake me, He also put so many people in my life who so patiently answered my many questions, and encouraged me in my Christian journey. I hope that He will continue to use me to touch the lives of others, just like how my life has been touched by those He placed around me.